Deep breath.....

There might have been a more reasons for my freak out..........



Yeah, buying a house and moving does that to you. More on this to come!!

Also, thanks for all the kind words. Writing up a reply post soon. Stay tuuuuuned!

Vent.

Can I just get a few things out? I hope I'm not alone in this.

 I feel like I'm going to have a break down about every other day.

This 3 kids under 4 thing is really hard for me. Not just the part of having more kids than arms, but they all 3 are needy in 3 different ways. They are all at ages where they need help with almost everything. Josie is learning how to be more physically independent, but is as emotionally needy as ever. Donny is still very physically needy, though he thinks he can do anything. He is all over the place and usually doing something slightly naughty. Of course, Rori is totally dependent in every way. I've never had multiples so I may be completely off, but I think I might have an easier time with 3 the same age. At least they would all be doing/needing the same things. A typical situation goes something like this: I'm at the park with the kids. The baby starts crying......no screaming.... and does so for 20+mins while I awkwardly try to comfort/pat/rock/nurse her under the watchful eye of every parent at the park. In the middle of trying to calm her (since now she's crying so hard she is hardly breathing) I look up and Donny is so far away he is almost out of sight, running straight toward the busy parking lot. At that exact moment, Josie informs me (while desperately grasping her backside) that she needs to go potty RIGHT NOW!! There is no bathroom. There is a yucky port-o-potty across the park (opposite of where Donny is escaping to) Where do I even start? The baby is the loudest and just adds stress (cause seriously, a crying baby is no big deal but when other things are going on it knocks the stress level up to 10) but she is not in danger. Do I let my daughter pee/poop her pants or rescue my son from running off to the next city? Meanwhile, a couple parents are freaking out yelling for "whoever isn't watching their kid" to pay attention and go rescue him from sudden death. So, I run (screaming baby in hand) the 1/4 mile or whatever to Donny and literally drag him (he struggled the whole time and it took every muscle in my body not to drop one of them) while running back to a frantic Josie. We then ran to the port-o-potty and piled in, screaming baby and all. See, this isn't just one of those funny circumstances that happened once and I can laugh about now. This kind of thing happens at least a couple times a day, every day. I feel like I'm always neglecting someone. Someone is always crying. Someone is always making a mess or fighting or whining. I'm physically and mentally exhausted by 10 am.

I know this is normal mom stuff that everyone goes through. I know it will get easier. I know it's just the ages they are and the stage we are at. But seriously, I wont miss this chaos. It's dang hard.

Of course, it doesn't help that Kevin is out of town several times a month. After 4-5 days with no break, I start to go a little bonkers.

I have a few friends who have 4+ kids that were all really close together. I tell myself that if they got through it, I should be able to get through it. Maybe I'm wrong. They must be much stronger than I.

At the end of the day, I always feel sadness that I couldn't spend more one-on-one time with my kids (specifically Josie and Donny, Rori gets plenty of mom time) Josie is just BEGGING for interaction and attention from me, but so is Donny and Rori. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better for my kids to have waited longer in between so I could parent them individually more. On the upside, Donny and Josie are best friends. They have gotten used to playing with each other since mom is always busy. I love this, but still feel guilty when I see her light up anytime I give her a minute of my time to play or pretend with her. I hate that I feel stressed a lot of the time. I want to be an easy going, nice mom. But seriously, these kids are frying my brain.

Anyone else feel this way? Should I rethink my plan of 4-6 kids?

Rori- Month 2 & 3

Rori at 8 weeks:

She was about 11 pounds (I think?? Crap, I can't remember...)

Can't remember how tall, but she is really fattening up! 

Her eyes get so wide sometimes!

Her hands are ALWAYS up by her face. She is always knocking the binkie out of her mouth.

I know this is a crazy picture, but it's the only one I got of her smiling that month....

                                                                  Happy : )

                                                                    Sad : (

Sisterly love is the best!!

Rori at 11 weeks:

I love this age. Rori is getting so squishy and it feels so good to snuggle her. She is very aware and interactive, so the kids think she's more fun, too. 

Rori is still a bit of a hot/cold baby. She is at least pretty predictable now, so I usually know when she will be fussy and why she's crying. She is always incredibly happy and kicky when she wakes up. She does the cutest squeals when she sees someone she likes. She "talks" a ton! She also started giving us little laughs when we toss her around a little. She HATES being tired and will cry and cry and cry till she falls asleep if I don't put her to bed before she gets overtired. She is easily overwhelmed when she's tired. When she starts crying, it's sometimes hard to calm her down. She gets so mad sometimes!! Like Donny was, she is extremely social and needy as far as attention goes. She will cry if there isn't some sort of interaction going on. She wants to be talked to, played with or held 24/7. She's only ok laying on the floor if one of us is in sight. She'll crane her neck around to follow us and smiles at our voices. I'm ok with her social neediness cause I figure that's how babies learn and grow. It just means I get NOTHING done when she's awake. Speaking of sleep, she is my best nightime sleeper yet!! She only takes cat naps during the day, usually taking several 30 min-1 hour naps. At night, she's been going 6 hours in a row, waking briefly, and sleeping till morning! She only wakes a couple times all night. Yay! I never get anything done during the day, but at least I'm able to keep some sanity due to not being up so much at night. She goes down super easily at night, too. I don't even have to nurse her to sleep. I just lay her in the bassinet with her binkie and she's out in minutes with no fuss. She's been going down at 9 and sleeping till at least 2ish before waking to nurse. Sometimes, she spends the rest of the night co-sleeping, sometimes I put her back till morning. It just depends on how tired I am. She doesn't seem to mind either way. I admit, I love co-sleeping, especially when they are this young. But, since she seems to sleep better on her own, I think we will transfer her into her own room soon. It kind of makes me sad, but however she will sleep best is what's important. 

I have been forcing her to be a binkie baby, but she is determined to suck her fingers like her siblings. Must be genetic? She's been pulling the binkie out and sucking on her fist or fingers instead. She likes the binkie for comfort and doesn't like to comfort nurse very much. It's kind of new for me since with my other two, nursing pretty much fixed anything. Rori wants you to work harder than that : ) 

Her neck is very strong and she can look straight forward the entire time she's on her stomach. She also started rolling over around 10 weeks. We love, love, love our little Rori!! 

Just look at those yummy, chubby cheeks!!

Just before rolling over....