Can I just get a few things out? I hope I'm not alone in this.
I feel like I'm going to have a break down about every other day.
This 3 kids under 4 thing is really hard for me. Not just the part of having more kids than arms, but they all 3 are needy in 3 different ways. They are all at ages where they need help with almost everything. Josie is learning how to be more physically independent, but is as emotionally needy as ever. Donny is still very physically needy, though he thinks he can do anything. He is all over the place and usually doing something slightly naughty. Of course, Rori is totally dependent in every way. I've never had multiples so I may be completely off, but I think I might have an easier time with 3 the same age. At least they would all be doing/needing the same things. A typical situation goes something like this: I'm at the park with the kids. The baby starts crying......no screaming.... and does so for 20+mins while I awkwardly try to comfort/pat/rock/nurse her under the watchful eye of every parent at the park. In the middle of trying to calm her (since now she's crying so hard she is hardly breathing) I look up and Donny is so far away he is almost out of sight, running straight toward the busy parking lot. At that exact moment, Josie informs me (while desperately grasping her backside) that she needs to go potty RIGHT NOW!! There is no bathroom. There is a yucky port-o-potty across the park (opposite of where Donny is escaping to) Where do I even start? The baby is the loudest and just adds stress (cause seriously, a crying baby is no big deal but when other things are going on it knocks the stress level up to 10) but she is not in danger. Do I let my daughter pee/poop her pants or rescue my son from running off to the next city? Meanwhile, a couple parents are freaking out yelling for "whoever isn't watching their kid" to pay attention and go rescue him from sudden death. So, I run (screaming baby in hand) the 1/4 mile or whatever to Donny and literally drag him (he struggled the whole time and it took every muscle in my body not to drop one of them) while running back to a frantic Josie. We then ran to the port-o-potty and piled in, screaming baby and all. See, this isn't just one of those funny circumstances that happened once and I can laugh about now. This kind of thing happens at least a couple times a day, every day. I feel like I'm always neglecting someone. Someone is always crying. Someone is always making a mess or fighting or whining. I'm physically and mentally exhausted by 10 am.
I know this is normal mom stuff that everyone goes through. I know it will get easier. I know it's just the ages they are and the stage we are at. But seriously, I wont miss this chaos. It's dang hard.
Of course, it doesn't help that Kevin is out of town several times a month. After 4-5 days with no break, I start to go a little bonkers.
I have a few friends who have 4+ kids that were all really close together. I tell myself that if they got through it, I should be able to get through it. Maybe I'm wrong. They must be much stronger than I.
At the end of the day, I always feel sadness that I couldn't spend more one-on-one time with my kids (specifically Josie and Donny, Rori gets plenty of mom time) Josie is just BEGGING for interaction and attention from me, but so is Donny and Rori. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better for my kids to have waited longer in between so I could parent them individually more. On the upside, Donny and Josie are best friends. They have gotten used to playing with each other since mom is always busy. I love this, but still feel guilty when I see her light up anytime I give her a minute of my time to play or pretend with her. I hate that I feel stressed a lot of the time. I want to be an easy going, nice mom. But seriously, these kids are frying my brain.
Anyone else feel this way? Should I rethink my plan of 4-6 kids?
9 comments:
Oh sweetie, my heart goes out to you! You know it will get better, but what to do in the meantime? For starters, I'd probably stay away from parks with all 3 of them until Donny has more self control. Are you able to go to parks with other kids and mommies who could give you a hand in situations like that? For one on one time, figure out times when Rori is napping and one is busy with something - maybe trade off with another mom if nothing else? For Donny and Josie, (especially Josie since she's older) schedule an hour or two on a particular day a week for each of them. It's their time to read stories, make treats, go to the library, shop for a special item, have a tea party, do an art project - whatever they want/you feel they need. Maybe have a chart so they can easily see what day and time is theirs so they're not always asking "Is it today? Is it now?" As they get older, keep scheduling these weekly one on one times. Katie and Scott got them scheduled until they were out of high school. They were special times together when we really connected. It's a good tradition. When Kevin is home he can help you out, but maybe you have a friend you could coordinate with? The good news is that the baby sleeps a lot, which gives you more time with the other two. By the time she's older, the other two won't be quite so needy. Also, Josie might enjoy a little preschool? That might cut you a little slack too. Good luck!! These days will pass more quickly than you think. Love you guys! Last ditch solution: SEND FOR GRANDMA!
I realize I have 0 kids, but I totally felt like that when I was nannying for a 4 year old (with special needs), 2 year old and baby in Tulsa. Taking all three to the part was a NIGHTMARE - even for someone who generally welcomed the chaos of taking them out over the boredom of staying in. I even felt like that most of the time when I'd just take the Mississippi 2 year old twins out places. I don't really have any solutions, but maybe take them to parks where there is a clear boundary around the play area so that you can teach Donny to stay within it a little easier? Maybe you could also take one of those potty training potties with you and leave it in the car and if she needs to go, she can go in the car? That's all I've got! GOOD LUCK!!!
I felt many times after the twins were born and Jacob was only 2 that it would have been much easier to deal with triplets. And you are obviously braver than I am because I have never taken all 3 of mine to the park. We've all gone to the store and doctor's visits and I go to the gym, but I'm not the one taking care of them once we get to the gym. But in all honesty - the gym has saved my sanity. I get a much needed break from my kids AND I get to work off my frustration from having 3 dependent kids. When my kids or I get sick and we can't go to gym, my stress levels rise a lot faster and we are all on edge a lot more.
But I have to admit as well - I currently have no intentions of having anymore kids. If someone guaranteed me a girl, then I would consider it but only once the twins are closer to 3 (meaning no baby until twins were almost 4). It is just super hard to handle so many little ones at once - for almost an entire year I had 3 under 3, and I've been on 3 under 4 since Jacob's 3rd birthday in December. And Jacob is special needs and it is just too much to deal with.
Good luck! I promise it gets easier. But seriously you have to find something for yourself, to give yourself a break in order to survive.
I agree with Julie, you need to find an outlet. Maybe join a gym, put your kids in a mother's day out program once a week or hire a babysitter for a few hours a week. If you are like me, staying at home is not an option, I get to stir crazy. I am sorry. I wish you lived closer to me, we could let our kids go wild together.
I'm am so afraid of having this next baby because of that. I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old and there are some days when I really fail at being a good parent. Add another one? I don't know what I'm going to do. I know I'm planning on being done at that point because I really can't stretch myself further. No advice, just commiserating.
We all have days/months/years like that and the best thing that I can say is not to worry about what other people are thinking about you. Add to the caring duties, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, church responsibilities...being a mom is hard! And I don't know if it will ever get easier, each stage is just different. Those who don't know the chaos also don't know the pure joy of being a mom. Your kids will be just fine!
There is no shame in letting your kid crap her pants. I totally would have let that happen, or I woulda found a neat little corner where no one could see, and then instruct her to let it out. Ask Mckenzi. We have moments like this often where she is surely thinking "but mommy i don't think i'm supposed to do that" and the confusion is hilariously apparent on her face. Obviously their lives come before neatness, tidyness, having everything all together, etc. Eff the other moms that look on with judgemental stares, you know? We do the best that we can! And girlfriend, you are either really brave or really crazy for braving the park with all 3! If you just need to get outta the house, strap them all down in the car and go for a "scenic" drive. My kids have learned to love going on drives, lol. Heck, if that's the best I can do, they can't really ask for more. ;)
Oh Emily, I'm so sorry! I think all mamas have days like that, but for sure since yours are so close in age its WAY more hectic. I LOVE the three year gap. I know I have friends that think three years is too far apart, but I know I'm not strong enough to handle any closer in age so I give you major props! I would say try to stay close to home. Plan activities like going to the library where it is an enclosed area for your older two to play. My girls LOVE making cupcakes at home and having movie days where I make a snack plate and pop popcorn and enjoy snuggle time with them. This may be what you need, some nice quiet time with your kiddos! Hang in there. Every mom I know that has kids close in age says its hard at first during the difficult ages, but as soon as they are school age its so much easier because they are all so close! If you ever need to chat gimme a call, I'm home!
You're lucky to have a mom, I didn't.
Sympathy helps and you have ours. The times will change and try to enjoy the journey.
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